every one

there are more than

six billion stories

and every one of them

believes

there’s one

is

everything is

the way it is,

but nothing is

the way it will be

015: psychological generalizations

Without going into all the normal and abnormal details of an American childhood in the late fifties and early sixties, let it be said that Son’s trajectory through life was formed by two psychological generalizations he discovered in a few years of therapy way back in the early nineties.

First, his mother was afraid of the world. Second, his father did not really introduce him to the world.

At least that's the story being told here.

Please understand these two pyschological generalizations are not offered here as excuses or reasons for Son being one way or another; they were actually the greatest gifts his parents gave him, and he honors them for their generosity.

nowhere

the entire universe is

in my head,

but i am

nowhere to be found

the dialectic of reality

Equality of many is the unity of all.

The empty mirror is the one that holds the many and its manifested light enlivens every one of them.

This is the dialectic of reality: living is nothing but loving is living.

The moment you think about it, there’s nothing left to think about.

Only loving is the moment and the moment is all there is.

Loving is this space for the time being.

014: hyperbiography

Neither auto, authorized, nor non-authorized, it’s here and now the time and space for a little hyperbiography.

Five years ago, Son began to lose identification with what he had always thought to be himself. Two years ago today, Son lost his job. But that’s enough said about that. The past two years accordingly became a search for himself, as well as work.

Today, Son still has no job, and has further discovered there is no self to find. So much for his double search. But see Son smile. What’s up with that?

something

anything is everything

so just choose something

and worship it as if

it was nothing at all

right

right here

right now


never became


right here

right now

glass

the glass is

neither half-empty

nor half-full;

it's glass

013: within nor without

It is neither within nor without, but without is within and within is without. Everything is in this vast and pure and light awareness, including self-limiting thoughts of who and what I think I am. But actually, I am this awareness, as everything is this awareness, and all there really is *is* this awareness.

012: the energetic aspect

Non-conceptual does not mean non-energetic. Non-conceptual means not defined by a thought. Unlimited from the confines of a word. Awareness is non-conceptual. That is not to say that Awareness is not energetic. Awareness is consciousness, being, and bliss. And bliss is the energetic aspect of the non-conceptual and indefinable intelligence-energy we call by many names although it's nameless. One aspect of that nameless god is bliss. And bliss is just a name to indicate this nameless god is not joyless and nihilistic and lifeless. One of the original faces of that nameless god is bliss, is joy, is love, is the enthusiastic nature of the 'is' itself. Son begins to understand the summer of being is, by its nature, the summer of bliss. Not hedonistic satisfaction but the simple joy of being. And this makes Son quite joyous and thus he sings his song of songs this morning.

011: river of bliss

To follow the currents of one's bliss, one must be resting in the river of bliss. One must enter the river of bliss, the flow of being, the stream of consciousness before one can follow its dream state currents. One must access the foundational bliss through one's practice of meditation, through one's perpetual meditation, one's resting in awareness. Following one's bliss is an improbability (not discounting the flood of real love) when whirling in the confusion of egoic consciousness. Thus Son stops, Son rests in this June of being, in the warmest currents of joy, in the summer of one's bliss-content.

010: water water

Awareness is tangible like water and clear as water and unthinkable as water and it drinks us like water. There's just one water; there's no separate containers of water, no my water; there's water water everywhere and not a drop to think. And in the summer on hot humid nights, there's even water in the air. And Son had been walking in that water thinking watery thoughts. But a watery thought isn't water itself and so Son stopped thinking of water and rested in it instead. The current now. The ripple here.

009: the shining

The sun is shining on nothing in the middle of a tangle of green leaves. More clearly, nothing is shining on nothing, although one could otherwise say shining shines shining. Or better, one could say nothing. I am the shining and the shining is everything and everything is nothing and nothing am I but that. Summer is full of green words. The sun disappears again behind a great wall of clouds and Son sees.

tsob 008: always being that

Summer arrives as if it always was here, there always being that. Awakened motivation is bliss as spirit moves through the dimension of the dream state. Whereas motivation in the unawakened dream state is most often ego-driven, bliss does enter in the way called love. Bliss equals love equals awakened motivation equals spirit moving through the dream state. Bliss does the dream state character. Consciousness moves all. Being is the only will that's free. Son listens and nods.

just smoke

out of its own smoke alone, Consciousness creates a building on fire and the universe surrounding it

a fireman comes to the rescue and instead of dousing the house with water, informs it there's no fire because there's no house; just smoke

another fireman comes to the house and starts spraying it with water; thus religion comes into the picture: no damned fire and no holy water

tsob 007: Bliss

Bliss never stops. Her parents would joke that Bliss wasn't born; she was just moving through. When Bliss was two years old, she had covered more miles just walking about than most folks do in a lifetime. By the time was Bliss was eighteen, she had circumnavigated the globe eighty-one times. When asked why she was always on the go, she answered she was just following her bliss, and it was always on the go. Son had asked her the question while stopped. But he had to follow her to hear the answer.

tsob 006: new ideas

Here's some new ideas. First and last, there is only being, which is non-conceptual, and thus not an idea. Second, there is this idea of a so-called life, that dualistic entity which remains in existence even after awakening to being. Third, after awakening to being, there appears to be a gap in motivation in that so-called dualistic entity living a so-called life. When motivation is lacking there remains only survival, and always always always being. Survival being ensured for Son at least through summer, there remains only being. And since there is nothing left to endure through mere acceptance, Son has chosen to enjoy the summer of being. And so Son enjoys the summer of being, while asking life what it wants him to do. Son doesn't think what to do but listens to life, patiently. In other words, Son will follow his bliss.

tsob 005: ghost of nothing

He had lived his so-called life in the idea that he was Son within ten thousand other self-limiting ideas. But he wasn't Son or any other of the ten thousand self-limiting ideas. He was everything, the father and the mother and the son and the daughter and the ever-loving holy ghost of nothing. And because of this, he had stopped, or all the old ideas had stopped, and he was moving with spirit in this summer of being. No ideas but in new ideas arising from intuition of being.

tsob 004: nothing

He had come to know there were no things but in ideas. Only thinking them so made things; otherwise there were no things. No thing; nothing. But not nothing in the way we think of nothing, but a nothing unthinkably everything. Everything is actually nothing and that nothing is Consciousness, Being, Spirit. And Son too is that everything and he had stopped to learn absolutely nothing.

tsob 003: no idea

Son had no idea what would happen when he stopped. That was the whole idea. No ideas. Instead of working with ideas to move his life forward, he had let go of all ideas. Or maybe ideas had let him go. Maybe he wasn't actually stopped. Maybe ideas had stopped. Maybe now he was moving free without the ten thousand bumps that make things in the night.

tsob 002: pinball wizard

Now Son didn't literally stop of course. There was still a Son and there was still movement and there was still a world of people, places, and things revolving around this Son. But all of this was movement begun back when there appeared to be rhymes and reasons. So, much of this movement still continued like a pinball bouncing around within an unplugged machine. But there was no pinball wizard any longer trying to nudge or coerce its movement. The curtain had been opened, revealing the pinball wizard to be just another fraud in Oz. There was no wizard and there was no Son; so Son had stopped.

summer of being 001: the longest day

It was the longest day of the year when Son stopped. There wasn't any reason why he stopped; in fact, that's exactly how his stopping came to be. He had come to understand there was no rhyme nor reason. As a poet he could survive the lack of rhyme, but no reason pretty much put an end to the person he had been. And thus Son stopped.

revealed

nothing is written

nothing is revealed

nothing is now

everything is then

supernatural

everything is absolutely supernatural!

that leaf, that window, that curtain, that table, that hand, that keyboard, that screen, that twitter, that you! all supernatural!

supercool!

thanks for the fantasies

realization isn’t real if i really think i’m real

and i really think i’m real if i think anything in this so-called world is real

the big-time-space illusion in this western so-called world is money or security with capital m’s and s’s

as long i’m *concerned* with money or security, i still believe that i’m an entity within this so-called world

and all the holy pretty words and phrases in any dictionary can’t change the raw illusion of this entity concerned with such security

the clouds that curb awareness are unmoved by words alone; fear is fear is fear of insecurity is still believing it’s an entity

concern for money and security is the western be-all; so, the end-all of this so-called entity

be aware, at all costs! amen, om, shanti shanti shanti

i am the walrus.

and the carpenter.

and cabbages.

and kings.

one is

there's no becoming one

with nature;

one is always nature,

buddha nature,

the natural state

questions and answers

the baltimore catechism consists

of 421 questions and answers;

the arunachala catechism consists

of one question,

who am i?,


and no answer.

just the facts

joe friday's just the facts:

social conditioning is the lie;

being here and now is the truth;

resting in awareness is the way

before the solstice

and what is so rare as a day in june ~james russel lowell

a cormorant dives below the mirrored surface, an osprey lightly skims the rippled water

one week before the solstice and the land is lit in that dizzying height of neutron green

my mind explodes into this fantasy of river, sky, and shore, and absolutely nothing needed less or more

a fish just rising from the silent water and silently submerging in a bullet flash of silver light

a sailless sailboat navigating high slack tide

the whiches

be with being aware of awareness


Consciousness: of which, as which, in which, to which.

the whiches of no-wick


I am I and all I sense is I.

The so-called world is not a world nor something other than this I; it is I!

I reveals there is no veil but only I.

Aye I!


The so-called world I see is actually right here where I thought was once my head, and what I thought my body is resting right there too.

I am simply this awareness resting within itself.

It takes some getting used to walking inside your head.


the world is in my mind-this body is in my mind-everything is mind-no my!


no matter how you slice it, you're not slicing it

natural mind, intelligence energy, consciousness, awareness, being, one, god, that, i: in which, of which, as which, to which: not two: om

the gentle lamb

a biblical unknowing

a pregnancy of nothing

the birth of one bipolar illusion

the gentle lamb of june

the baptism of morning

the absolution of inquiry

the soaring choir of songbirds

the communion with just That

devi made

I am the mountain.

lllllllllllllluscioussssssss

ball

tree

apple

the devi made me do it

if i promise not to quote anyone any more, will you?

i think i have something to say

rhymes with...

quote unquote

na na na na hey hey hey

let us prattle

i really feel that time is just a passing fad

consciousness doesn't get any higher

you might think i'm crazy but i firmly believe alien life forms have been walking this earth since the dawn of humankind

just see what always sees seeing and see!

ollie ollie in come free!

truth spelled backwards is every single word in the dictionary

tag! you're That.

awarenesspalooza

na na na na hey hey hey who am i

silence is silver; that which hears the silence is golden

this so-called world

born to be!

oh

That

I

am


all it takes is a convex mirror to challenge the physical dimensions of this so-called world

this world is filmed in conscicolor

if it sounds like duck, it sounds like a duck

you can dress reality up, but you can't take it out

you can't lead the truth to water, but you can water down the truth


into each life, a little rain must fall, unless you're a rain forest and then you're screwed

there's only one affirmation in life and that's the one that says there's no affirmations in life


sometimes i feel like i'm the beatles and we just broke up

being within, awareness without, breathe in, breathe out, no in, no out, just twist and shout!

devotional 3: leaf felt light

this leaf felt light and turning green
in nothing only in this eyesight
instant stuff of phantom time
space scene within the seer’s seen

devotional 2: something mist

low tide smell of secret salt
and something mist
so nothing is surrounding me
the sound of surrendering sea

devotional 1: all current

river robed in blue love vessel sky
all current current current
holding every shore line
hearing every bird cry

Wilber & the Nondual Secret

I have just finished a book chapter that engendered profound understanding, great laughter, gentle tears, and pure joy. But let me begin at the beginning of how I discovered this wonderful piece. Browsing through the readings and links page of Greg Goode’s website, I came across this entry concerning Ken Wilber’s book, ‘The Eye of Spirit:

Usually, Wilber likes to make simple things complex. But here's an exception. The last chapter of this book, called "Always Already," is a beautiful exception. This chapter is a lyrical meditation on how the very nature of your experience, any experience, is nothing other than awareness, pure spirit. To understand this — is peace. You don't need to read anything else in this book unless you are into grand system-building. But this one beautiful chapter is worth the price of the entire book.

This comment stood out for me because I too felt exactly that way about Wilber, that he “likes to make simple things complex.” And having read Goode’s ‘Standing as Awareness’ recently, I felt Goode had the opposite and unique talent of making complex things simple.

Later, browsing Dennis Waite’s Advaita site, I came across this note on Wilber’s book.

Ken Wilber has written many books and, though I have periodically looked at some of them in bookshops, I have always been put off by what appeared to be an overly intellectual treatment of the subjects. However, the last chapter of 'The Eye of Spirit : An Integral Vision for a World Gone Slightly Mad' was recommended to me by Greg Goode so I bought it. And I can confirm that this last chapter is amazing. It is the clearest exposition I have ever read of how we are already 'it' and how nothing we can do can ever change this. So clear is it that it is totally unarguable.

So I knew I needed to read this chapter and found the book at a local library. Having just read it, I would not only agree with Goode and Waite on the quality of Wilber’s ‘lyrical meditation’ on awareness, as well as it being the ‘clearest exposition’ on how we are always awareness, but that it's also a beautiful ode to embodying the above understanding in enlightened action. Poetry and wisdom.

Now, I have found the entire chapter on the blog, Integral Options Cafe, where William Harryman has recorded it in one post. William says:

This is one of my favorite passages from The Ken's work... It's more a statement of spirituality, deeply influenced by his Buddhist practice, than it is a statement of integral philosophy. Maybe that's why it resonates more deeply - there's more heart here.

Harryman also includes this from Corey deVos:

In this excerpt from The Eye of Spirit, Ken offers one of the most powerful—and beautiful—pieces of spiritual writing he has ever produced.

So if all of the above doesn't have you clicking on the above link right here right now to read the whole thing, here is a sample of a section I feel is particulary enlightening to whet your appetite for doing so:

We begin with the realization that the pure Self or transpersonal Witness is an ever-present consciousness, even when we doubt its existence. You are right now aware of, say, this book, the room, a window, the sky, the clouds.... You can sit back and simply notice that you are aware of all those objects floating by. Clouds float through the sky, thoughts float through the mind, and when you notice them, you are effortlessly aware of them. There is a simple, effortless, spontaneous witnessing of whatever happens to be present.

In that simple witnessing awareness, you might notice: I am aware of my body, and therefore I am not just my body. I am aware of my mind, and therefore I am not just my mind. I am aware of my self, and therefore I am not just that self. Rather, I seem somehow to be the Witness of my body, my mind, my self.

This is truly fascinating. I can see my thoughts, so I am not those thoughts. I am aware of bodily sensations, so I am not those sensations. I am aware of my emotions, so I am not merely those emotions. I am somehow the Witness of all of that!

But what is this Witness itself? Who or What is it that witnesses all of these objects, that watches the clouds float by, and thoughts float by, and objects float by? Who or What is this true Seer, this pure Witness, which is at the very core of what I am?

That simple witnessing awareness, the traditions maintain, is Spirit itself, is the enlightened mind itself, is Buddha-nature itself, is God itself, in its entirety.

Thus, according to the traditions, getting in touch with Spirit or God or the enlightened mind is not something difficult to achieve. It is your own simple witnessing awareness in exactly this moment. If you see this page, you already have that awareness--all of it—right now.

(snip)

We are aware of this room; just that is it, just that awareness is ever-present Spirit. We are aware of the clouds floating by in the sky; just that is it, just that awareness is ever-present Spirit. We are aware of thoughts floating by in the mind; just that is it, just that awareness is ever-present Spirit. We are aware of pain, turmoil, terror, fear; just that is it.

In other words, the ultimate reality is not something seen, but rather the ever-present Seer. Things that are seen come and go, are happy or sad, pleasant or painful—but the Seer is none of those things, and it does not come and go. The Witness does not waver, does not wobble, does not enter that stream of time. The Witness is not an object, not a thing seen, but the ever-present Seer of all things, the simple Witness that is the I of Spirit, the center of the cyclone, the opening that is God, the clearing that is pure Emptiness.

And just that is the great and guarded secret of the Nondual schools. It does not matter what objects or contents are present; whatever arises is fine. People sometimes have a hard time understanding Spirit because they try to see it as an object of awareness or an object of comprehension. But the ultimate reality is not anything seen, it is the Seer. Spirit is not an object; it is radical, ever-present Subject, and thus it is not something that is going to jump out in front of you like a rock, an image, an idea, a light, a feeling, an insight, a luminous cloud, an intense vision, or a sensation of great bliss. Those are all nice, but they are all objects, which is what Spirit is not.

Thus, as you rest in the Witness, you won't see anything in particular. The true Seer is nothing that can be seen, so you simply begin by disidentifying with any and all objects:

I am aware of sensations in my body; those are objects, I am not those. I am aware of thoughts in my mind; those are objects, I am not those. I am aware of my self in this moment, but that is just another object, and I am not that.

Sights float by in nature, thoughts float by in the mind, feelings float by in the body, and I am none of those. I am not an object. I am the pure Witness of all those objects. I am Consciousness as such.

And so, as you rest in the pure Witness, you won't see anything particular—whatever you see is fine. Rather, as you rest in the radical subject or Witness, as you stop identifying with objects, you will simply begin to notice a sense of vast Freedom. This Freedom is not something you will see; it is something you are. When you are the Witness of thoughts, you are not bound by thoughts. When you are the Witness of feelings, you are not bound by feelings. In place of your contracted self there is simply a vast sense of Openness and Release. As an object, you are bound; as the Witness, you are Free.

We will not see this Freedom, we will rest in it. A vast ocean of infinite ease.

~Ken Wilber

the rhythm of intuition

rediscovering the musical shifts in lucy in the sky with diamonds; simple rhythm changes et al altering consciousness itself: amazing stuff!

play it backwards and it reads: who am i?

i took lucy in the sky with diamonds in 1969 and the moon pointed at me!

i kept pointing back at it for forty years. o what a fool!

the whole point of lucy in the sky with diamonds is not in the lyrics, which catch you like conditioning and oh well, you're lost

no, the whole point of lucy in the sky with diamonds is in the rhythm of intuition underlying the noise of the lyrics, if there is a point.

play it loud and shut up, stupid! go ahead and beat the rhythm with anything at your disposal, while listening to everything but the lyrics.

while all the time hearing the lyrics as something you've always sung. until now.

bless you john lennon.

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.

Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.

You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!

Everything is clearer when you're in love.

The more I see the less I know for sure.

Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.

~John Lennon (via @GreenDayBTM)

See Son

In consciousness arises all, including thoughts that comprise this character we’ll call Son. See Son do. Son once thought he was the doer but knows now he’s being done. See Son done. No more Son. Yet there is a Son still in this so-called world that knows he isn’t doing but being done, yet still doing. How’s that done?

the sea right now

all there is is the sea. the rock strewn shore is the sea and the cloud-mottled sky is the sea and the sea right now is a single small boat.

out of the monolithic sea, waves arise like letters, like a word creating islands, like a continental me, descending toward the silent sea.

from pulpit point, the ocean stretches out to an horizon marked by nothing but clouds and one smudge of an island struck by a lighthouse.

this is white island, one of several islands comprising the isles of shoals, and the only isle visible today within the sea of heavy mists.

before white island is a buoy & before the buoy, some rocks & before the rocks, this shore & before this shore, me & before me is only sea.

this boat is rising and falling with the loving advances of a rising and falling sea. but the sea rises and falls through That which is me.

another story

Right here, right now, I’m conscious, I’m aware. Literally.

That’s it. Anything more is an Abbot and Costello routine. Who’s on first? I am. Who am I? And so on.

There’s many stories about this consciousness, this awareness. But no story can really encircle this consciousness. Awareness always encircles any story.

Similarly, there are many descriptions of this awareness. They usually revolve around space and light and purity and love and omnipresence and other like metaphors. Good stories, all.

Here’s another story. Son looked into the mirror one morning and suddenly realized the mirror was looking at him.

True story. But still, it’s a story. It cannot do justice to the truth of that moment, but only point to it. The truth of that moment was an intuitive apperception.

Ultimately, it’s absolutely intuitive. And it’s absolutely always there. And it's absolutely so obvious.

Who'd have thunk?


(to be continued?)

that light

There comes a point when the idea that ‘everything is consciousness’ is actually seen on a level other than thought. It’s suddenly understood on an intuitive level, or in Nisargadatta’s terminology, it’s apperceived intuitively. It dawns, and that light is you!

Of course!, the mind says, when it returns from its hiatus. And then it goes about creating the story in which it owns that understanding. Business as usual, but this time, the apperception is there, and it sees the mind for what it is. Just thoughts arising within the apperception which is consciousness, the omnipresent intelligence-energy of awareness.

And so the mind is instructed to tell that story.

(to be continued)

bring in the fun

thank god there really is no friday!

if you find a slightly used but nearly antique mind in your perambulations, let me know; it might be mine. i think there's a finders fee.


i tried again but i find it really difficult to read fiction these days. it just seems so... fictional.

space is the canvas and time the brush and consciousness is these as well as artist, medium, and aficionado

the slap and gurgle of waves rolling onto rocks. the drone of a distant motor boat. the open eye of massabesic lake.

a kayak appears on the rippled and shimmering cloud of unknowing.

wet is just another way of dry; good is just another way of bad; words are just another way of silence


bring in the silence, bring in the fun

sunny thunder!

i love you, june!

being is brilliant!


why are my toes always down there?

whose toes?

no toe!


what is awareness not?

in the rose

my metaphor and your metaphor were hanging out clothes...

my buddha punched your buddha right in the rose..

what color was the bud?

waterscapes

make way for ducklings: mother and five little ones swimming along the river grass. steady east wind creating waves they vector through.

the geometry of lowell's boat shop: 40 small white-trimmed windows resting in three pointed red fields, fronting a sweeping arc of river.

marina waterscapes of pleasure boats fill the upriver view, replacing the seemingly untouched wilderness with its fiberglass civilization.

ducklings and whitened windows and pleasure boats: the great blue river carries it all within its sky-reflecting seabound current.

the sea of god

“The person is not the experiencer; the person is experienced.” ~Greg Goode

Lovely quote. Thus everything is just a ripple in consciousness. Waves come and waves go. The wave we call the personality is rising and falling constantly, never the same. Although I once believed it to be one wave. And I believed I was that wave.

But now, I ride those rising and falling waves, knowing there is no ‘I’ riding, but just a wave riding another wave. It’s like a pliable surfboard riding an oscillating wave. It’s quite free when it wants to be.

When relating with other people, the wave pretending to be a person appears. And even when the wave that believes it actually is this person makes an appearance, there comes a time when a wave that knows it’s not that person reappears. Not only free, it’s quite the fun ride.

Moreover, look at every wave around me! I’m a dream-rider surfing on the sea of God. How lovely is that?

through it all, the windows

darkness followed by rounds of thunder. children shout in the shadowy woods. a flash of lightning on the black tv screen. crack! rain.

leaves sing in the steady shower. cool rain-scented air fills the room. a soft green light slowly increases as thunder becomes distant.

the bright songs of birds replace the erratic rhythm of thunder. silence begins to fill the gaps between the ebbing waves of rainfall.

specks of white sky appear between wet leaves. humidity is returning with a warmer breeze. through it all, the windows remain wide open.

the double secret secret

The secret is only a secret because you think you’re you. Manifestation is actually everything; one, in reality, is a series of manifesting events within consciousness. One lived non-volitionally will be assisted by the volition of consciousness: this is the double secret secret. In other words, it’s all manifestation and it’s all You.

But, as seen from the relative perspective of one becoming sensitive to its non-volitional perspective, manifestation will at first appear to be synchronistic. Synchronicity is manifestation; everything is synchronistic. That which appears to be not synchronistic is seen that way due to ignorance. That ignorance is you thinking you’re you.

namaste

the blog 'sonrivers.com' has begun anew. beginning now, sonrivers.com will no longer be forwarding to awakurious.blogspot.com, but here where blogging will continue but in a different manner, although one never really knows. thanks if you were reading there, and hope you will be reading here. namaste.

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